Tuesday, January 31, 2012

An Open Letter to the Inmates of Alcatraz

Dear Various inmates of Alcatraz,

You bore me.  I don't know why your criminal lives are so boring, but I find that I don't care about what you do or did.  Which is unfortunate, because I care about what the doctors/wardens/guards did to you at the notorious prison.  But your lives are rather dull.

What happened to you when you disappeared?  Who helped you?  Who is giving you instructions?  These are the important questions, and I look forward to finding all that out each week.

It is not your fault that everyone compares every JJ Abrams produced or fantasy/sci-fi show to Lost.  Lost is untouchable: it came together at the right time, got lucky with the right actors and writers, and were blessed with an amazing pilot with lots of questions.

What you inmates are lacking is some reason for me to care about you.  Take your time, fill in some holes, and then commit your crime.  Maybe it would help if episodes involved a number of you, possibly overlapping at Alcatraz, or even seeing you before you were a criminal.

At least you are more interesting than Detective Madsen.

I have not given up on you yet, but and I will continue to hold out hope that you will become interesting.  Can I recommend committing a crime that is not exactly the same as your crimes from 50 years ago?  Maybe you could do more things that the Powers that Be command you?

Lockingly yours,

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