Thursday, December 29, 2011

An Open Letter to Bill Henrickson

Dear Bill Henrickson,

Thank you for showing me a world of polygamy. At no point during the parading of your family did I think this was a good idea; to be fair, I didn't think it was a good idea before you showed me either. All I saw was a tough life full of anger, spite and jealousy. Also, you were gunned down in the middle of the street for your life choices. At least Tony Soprano was gunned down in a diner.

You could not manage your three wives and 5 children, and in fact, one of these children made out with one of your wives. That does not seem like a healthy relationship to me. But then again, I'm not a polygamist.

You lost your father and mother, your brother disappeared randomly, never to be heard from again, you lost your business (both of them) and you lost your best friend. Hey, but you became a senator, so that was fun.

Marriage is a sacred bond, Bill, and when you marry, you vow to give your entire self to your wife. How can you give your entire self 3 times? Isn't that three selves? Maybe my math is poor, but I don't see how three wholes equals one whole (with the exception of the Trinity, of course. Are you calling yourself God, Bill?). You must forsake one wife to lay with another, and everyone is ok with this? At what point do you realize that what you are doing is not the ideal, and that your children are going to end up crazy?

Moreover, you have now given me hope for Mitt Romney. If he is elected next year, I hope he is able to walk up to the podium and introduce his wife. Then introduce his other wife. Then introduce his third wife. And everyone stands in disbelief. But not me, because I have you, Bill Henrickson, who has prepared me for what is to come.

Kindest Regards,

No comments:

Post a Comment